Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters review

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters

The low down: Grown-up siblings Hansel and Gretel takes on the most wicked witch in the forest, with the help of a few good villagers and the biggest fantasy guns ever used with two hands in a fairytale.

Review: This is indeed an old recipe of a boring tale that everyone knew the end to, seasoned with gunpowder and buckets of blood. The action-packed plot is set about a score of years after the original. The scarred siblings Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton), who oh so innocently used to pick up crumbs from the ground, have now found their purpose in life and developed nicely into fierce fighters with big guns and tightly tailored threads. Peter Stormare is very convincing as the unpleasant and impatient village sheriff – who of course gets it, without sugar coating, in due time. The über-bitch of a witch surely has it coming – even if former X-woman Famke Jansen plays the character. It’s easier to stay mad at her when her face cracks like dry bark and her nose exceeds Jennifer Aniston’s by a whole inch. This is a scary when she points her 3D nose in your direction.

The Best: On the whole this is more of a ride than a tale, and it’s a bit like dipping a Cinderella story in a can of red paint. Boys shoot their mothers, heads are smashed, squashed, blown off and cut off. Witches are burned, hanged, stabbed, decapitated, shredded, electrocuted, bashed beyond recognition and torn to pieces. As you do.

The Worst: Fairy tale purists beware – this is Hansel and Gretel, but not as we know them. Whilst the blood is very OTT, you can’t help but feel Hollywood has messed around with the  traditional tale of our childhood a little too much.

Verdict: Ask yourself this: Which witch-abode has the sweetest taste? Would you rather be spanked by a ten year old girl lost in the woods or Gemma Arterton in tight top-to-toe leather? Is a double cross-bow cooler than a single shooter? If you answered ”yes” to any of those questions, you should definitely see this flick. The only risk you’ll take is not feeling like having a bloody burger in the next couple of days… ‘tis a veritable fairytale fight-fest and not a bed-time story anymore. It is in fact the splatter of this spring!

Celluoid Influences: Red Riding Hood + Pulp Fiction = Hansel & Gretel

Christoffer Ohlson