Five Awful Films Based on Great Games

3 – Silent Hill

Konami

Released:  April 21, 2006

Cost To Make: $50,000,000

Box Office: $97,607,453

Yes, it’s set in a town called Silent Hill for the most part, and yes, there is a Pyramid Head lurking around, knocking on doors and tearing flesh from barmy bit-part players. But for all the fog and forgettable surroundings, there’s only a showing of a wooden sign near the beginning to link this film to the quintessential Konami classic.

Sean Penn turns up looking for his missus with a bunch of dodgy cops he’s trying to convince of his wife’s sanity to. This is despite her kidnapping their kid, stealing his SUV and running off in the middle of the night to a deserted town she has only dreamt about. Although somehow the town holds the power to curing their childs night-time walkies along cliff edges, so that’s alright.

Sirens wail, darkness descends and a token character gets ritualistically burnt at the stake in a church inhabited by a small tribe of cultists.  With the town itself being the main villain in the game, trying to convey such a premise to a passive audience requires a delicacy and touch most notable in black and white art house French films. It could have been amazing, but instead we get a film based on someone’s idea of what The Grudge was about based on a brief read of the blurb on the back of the Hollywood remake. A crime against celluloid.